What are you really Choosing???

Everyone always says marriage is so hard, and believe me I know first hand that at times it is. But there is one thing that I have found makes marriage so so so much better. Choosing your spouse above everything else. You are probably thinking wow, that is obvious. And yes it is obvious, but how many of us are truly choosing our spouse above everyone and everything else? I absolutely love my husband and still find this difficult. Are we on our facebook instead of giving them attention when they get home? When we have a family problem do we choose our family over our spouses feelings? Are you continually trying to change those little things that annoy your spouse, or do you expect them to "get use to it?" I have broken this down to some key things that have helped me in my marriage and have made both me and Parker much happier.

  1. How are we spending our time together? I know that me and Parker use to both me laying in bed at night and instead of talking about how our day was or what we needed help with; we were both on our phones looking at facebook, checking instagram, or playing a game. Yes, we were "that" couple. It is so easy to zone out and just do our own thing. The time that we should have been drawing closer together was being wasted. Now we try to spend the time we have together actually being together. Not just physically in the same room but actually talking and interacting with one another. I feel so much closer to Parker, yes we are pretty boring; but I love having our time together. We joke around, I know everyone he works with when he says there names, and lots of other really boring stuff. And I absolutely love it.

  2. Whose side are you choosing? Recently there were a couple incidents and I found myself either going with what I thought was right or choosing my husbands side and agreeing with him. Yes of course sometimes we will disagree and I will need to stand my ground. But there are many times where we just need to say "you know what, your feelings are more important to me than mine right now". There should never be anything that comes between me and Parker, we should be one. This can be hard to accomplish, many times we can both be hard headed. But at the end of the day it is not about who is right it is about still continuing to be "one" even if that means one of us compromising a little to stay on the same page. Often times this happens when there are family disagreement, not between just me and Parker but our sibling. I can either choose to side with Parker or another member of the family. But at the end of the day, even if I think Parker is dead wrong, I will always side with Parker. I will let him know what my point of view is, but I will stand by him and he will stand by me.

  3. Who is going to change? I can remember our first year of marriage, it was fun and it was also stressful. We were getting use to living together and all the little habits we each had. Parker is a little bit of a clean freak (a really big clean freak). I honestly don't think we argued about anything except the house being clean. What I would call clean, Parker would call tidy or picked up. That first year was confusing. I would always say "well if you didn't like that about me why the heck did you marry me, I'm not a clean freak so just love me for who I am." But he could say the same thing, "how could I expect him to change? He is just that way." Right? So how the heck were we going to be happy if neither of us was changing? Then I read the book the 5 love languages. This changed our marriage. I found our that Parkers main love language was: ACTS OF SERVICE. Oh yay, lucky me. For Parker to feel loved I have to clean, cook, vacuum the car, mow the lawn, etc. My language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, so all Parker really has to do is tell me over and over again that I am beautiful, he loves me, anything nice pretty much. So Finally I understood why me and Parker were having such a hard time. We were trying to love each other through our own love language not the other persons. So I began cleaning Parkers way. and I even tried to stop doing those little annoying things that bugged him, like the toothpaste in the sink I would leave behind, not anymore. I vacuum, pretty much at least once a day (Parker likes to see vacuum lines), I make the bed everyday, I make him dinner (even if it is just a bowl of cereal), and much much more. And I see Parker making an effort to tell me he loves me, or maybe he just can't help himself because he knows how spoiled he is now. But I like to think we both spoil each other, and that helps us stay in love with one another. So stop expecting the other person to change and just do it yourself. Hopefully they catch on and will change those little things for you as well.

  4. Are you continually choosing honesty? I can honestly say that as long as me and Parker have been married I have never lied to Parker. Sometimes I have been scared to tell me something...like how much I actually ended up spending at the store. But I have never tried to cover it up. I don't ever want to have to feel that I can't tell my best friend something. I know some people who tell little lies all the time. What is the harm in a little white lie? It is just to make the other person happy, I don't want the to be stressed, etc. Yes, some little lies may not really do any harm, but the harm that is being done is the fact that for some reason you are telling yourself it is okay to keep the truth from your spouse. Although sometimes it is hard to come forward and tell you spouse what the truth is I know I much rather know what is actually going on in my life than to be living an illusion. I find comfort in the fact that me and Parker can access each others accounts and not be scared that we are going to find something.

  5. Last are you choosing forgiveness? We will always need forgiveness in our relationship. This doesn't mean that we will have huge problems in our marriage but if we don't forgive each other for the simple things they can lead to much bigger problems. I know people who are still trying to forgive their spouse for something that happened years ago. When we forgive it doesn't mean we forget, but it does mean we aren't bringing it up at every argument we ever have. I'm not holding anything over Parker's head that he has done and he doesn't hold anything over my head that I have done. So just let it go, it makes my marriage seem unbearable if I am dwelling on the negative all day, but when I choose to look at all the blessings and love in my marriage I can see that that 2% of craziness is not going to be the cause of my dismay. Choose your spouse by forgiving them and letting go instead of building resentment and anger. I know I can still do better in everything that I am putting in my marriage. I don't want to look back and say I had a "good marriage". I see people measuring marriages by if you are still together, how long did you last? But I want to measure my marriage by how much love was in it, how well I know my husband, how hard Parker makes me laugh, the love we have for our children, the memories we make, was I excited when Parker was coming home, were we always striving to make the other one happy?


 I am expecting my marriage and life to be difficult at times, but I am also expecting that if I put the time and effort into my marriage we will be able to be put through trials together and grow closer together when we turn to one another. Something that I personally strive for is to do all of this with my Heavenly Father beside me and guiding me. I know that God want me to be happy in my marriage that the the purpose of marriage is for joy and love.