October 15th, More than just Another day

Today is a day that to many is just another day, to some of us though it is much more than that.  October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  This day is meant to provide support, education, and awareness of those going though the pain of losing a child, whether that be by miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or their little one was taken by something else.

       I am someone who when they are passionate about something I totally engulf myself in that.  I have always known that I was meant to be a mother.  Ever since I was very little I can always remember saying that I wanted 5 kids or possibly more.  I honestly never thought I would have a problem having children.  My mom had five kids, we were all two years apart and I loved how close I was to my siblings in age.  I always thought I would follow in her foot steps.  I loved the dynamics of having a big family.  Once I got married I was excited that the next chapter in our lives would be children.  After a year of marriage we started trying and got pregnant right away.  We were so excited to find out we were going to be having a son.  My pregnancy was amazing.  I literally can't say one bad thing about it.  I was so excited to be carrying my precious son and the delivery was exactly the same.  I got to the hospital at 9:00pm June 14th, 2012 and we met our Jack at 11:05pm.  I have never felt more fulfilled than being a mother to my son.  I looked at my pregnancy and his birth and thought that I was made to have children.  God knew how much I wanted to be a mother so he blessed me to be able to bring them into the world.

     After Jack was a year we started to talk about trying to have another baby and September 2013 our journey began.  We were blessed to be able to get pregnant in October and I was so excited.  I told my family right away.  I started thinking of names, imagining if it was a boy or girl.  We were so excited to be able to bring a sibling to my son.  For nine weeks it was pregnancy bliss. When I was almost 10 weeks I noticed a little bit of spotting.  My husband had just started a new job so we were in between insurances.  I was trying to wait until January to go to my doctor but decided as soon as I saw a little spotting I would go in. It was Friday the 13th 2013. I remember getting in the shower and praying.  Praying that my sweet unborn child would be okay.  Pleading with God that he would allow this baby to be healthy.  I would love and take care of this baby.  As I was praying an overwhelming feeling came over me.  I can't explain it other than I just knew that my baby was not okay.  I remember sitting down and the shower water running over me and I cried alone knowing something was wrong.  I  tried to push the feeling from me.  I had two sisters who both spotted during pregnancy and had two healthy babies.  I can remember this day as if it was yesterday.  I was nervous going to the doctor and when I got there she couldn't find a heartbeat.   So then I went and had an ultra sound done to check everything.  We could see the baby but there was no blood flow and no heart beat.  I was so crushed.  Looking back I know I was a mess crying the whole time.  I didn't know what to think or what to do.  Nothing can prepare you for that.  I know that everyone handles it different but to me this was and has been one of the hardest things of my life.  I remember before we started trying to have kids talking to my husband about miscarriage and him saying if it happens we will get though it.  What we didn't know was that is pretty much all you can do, push your way though it.  It went from being one of the happiest times in my life to one of the darkest.  There was literally nothing anyone could say or do to make me feel better.  I remember feeling so alone.  There was still the longing to grow our family though.  We were told that at this time to just continue doing what we were doing.  That my body would heal and hopefully I would be back with a viable pregnancy in six months.  People try so hard to say something sweet to make you feel better, but it is impossible and sometimes made me so annoyed.  All I wanted to hear was I'm sorry, anything else was to much at the time.  People try to give you a reason, God needed your child for an angel, it's not the right time, something was probably wrong with the pregnancy,  whatever you say just say sorry.  I didn't need someone else's idea of why I had a miscarriage.  I know and understand why miscarriages happen it doesn't make me feel any better.  I had about two or three weeks of complete sadness trying to put on a happy face though Christmas and family gatherings.  Trying to be strong, but inside I seriously felt like I had broken into a million pieces.  My husband tried to be sweet telling me everything would be okay.  But to me nothing seemed to be okay.  Every hope and dream that I had had for my unborn child was gone.  There was no baby to feel moving inside me in six more weeks.  There was no sibling for my son.  There would be no looking forward to birthdays, school, or weddings.  Every hope and desire for this little one that I already loved so much and was so excited to welcome into the world and into our family was gone.  Slowly I was able to accept what had happened and decided we would continue to try for another baby.  We still wanted to have another child.  And I honestly thought maybe that would bring that little joy back in my life.  We tried for another five months and I got a positive on a pregnancy test in May.  I once again was so happy although this time I was also scared.  Sadly this time we had an early miscarriage, it was a chemical pregnancy (a pregnancy that something goes wrong before they can see anything on the ultra sound).  I remember feeling so confused.  I didn't understand what was going on.  I went to the doctor again.  She told me to keep trying, chemical pregnancy is very common and not to start worrying yet.  She said that hopefully within the next 6 months I would be back with a viable pregnancy.  Although it did make me feel better that she wasn't worried I still felt sad and didn't understand why this was happening to me.

 

       It has been a little over a year now since we started trying last year, and sadly we still aren't pregnant.   I still have bad days that I cry because my baby should be three months old or I could be 25 weeks pregnant, but instead I just feel an empty whole that I so badly want to fill with a child.  Through this year though I have learned so much.  I have learned to rely upon my Heavenly Father even more.  That Christ knows the pain that I feel and that he is there to help me.  I have also had to rely upon my husband more.  We have always had a good relationship but going though this has made me have to let him in on my emotions and feelings to an extant I never had to before.  His kind words and long hugs feel like a protections from all of the other feeling that sometimes come.  I have become even more grateful for my son.  Everyday with him I see as a blessing.  I look at his milestones more and tell him I love him all of the time.  I don't know where I would be without my son.  On the days I didn't want to get up he gave me a reason to.  There is no love like a mother's love.   There has been sadness in the last year but we have also had many blessings and I don't want to focus only on the negative.  I have come to a good place through this all.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of me.  I  don't want to get pregnant to replace a pregnancy, or to find happiness in another child.  I have mourned the loss of pregnancies and believe that God will make everything right in this life or the next that I will be able to raise my children.  I still want my family to continue to grow and I am excited for that day to come, but until that day does come I am choosing to be happy and look at all of the good in my life.  Everyone has different trials in life, some that we bring upon ourselves, some that God allows to happen, and some may even be God testing us.  Whatever trial I am going through if it is miscarriage or not getting pregnant, or something else entirely I don't want to be so consumed in my problems that I am unable to be the mother, wife, sister, friend, daughter that I need to be.



  I haven't written this to tell you that I have had the worst year of my life, because in many ways it has also been the best year of my life.  I have written this to say this is Real.  There are many woman going though this same pain.  They feel lost and confused.  I am writing this to say educate yourself and know how to talk to these people in your lives that you love to help them through this time.  It can be hard for these woman to see others pregnant and other people having babies the same month that their baby was due.  It's not a sadness that only last for a few weeks.  We aren't crazy and we don't want people to not be able to have kids until we can.  I know that I am genuinely happy for everyone in my life who has been pregnant or who is pregnant with a healthy pregnancy.  I wouldn't wish any kind of infant loss upon my worst enemy.  But it can be hard to be surrounded by pregnant woman knowing that your child isn't here. It can be hard to hear people complain of aching backs  when you would give anything for that back ache.  Compared to the heart ache many women feel they would gladly take bed rest or swollen feet.  Everyone is different and handles situations differently be aware of this.  Let your loved ones feel of your love for them.  Today call that friend, ask how they are doing.  Send them a text telling them you are thinking of them.  Sometimes you need to talk about what has happened so it doesn't seem like something your carrying alone.  And don't forget that their husbands are going through this too.  Yes it is different but they are along for the crazy ride.  I hope that every October 15th you can remember that today for many women is a day that they are thinking about the child they should have had and it can be a hard day, but a day that shouldn't be forgotten.  My child was real, although I am unable to hold my baby or kiss it goodnight I know that for a time it was growing in me and I loved that baby even before then.  I still love my sweet angel baby.  And today I am happy to know that all across the world women are remembering their angel babies and thinking how much they love and miss them.  We are United, be United with us.

I AM WHO I AM

   I Am Who I Am.    I recently heard someone say this.  At the time I thought it was interesting.  I often times hate this phrase.  The reason I usually don't like it is because I think most of the time it is used as an excuse not to change.  "I am who I am,  you married me so get use to it."  or "I am who I am, I can't help it."   I think that for those we love we should be willing to change and make ourselves better.  This phrase doesn't have to be an excuse though and honestly there is great truth in this phrase, or at least there should be. Have you ever read something and immediately someone pops in your head?  "Oh my goodness, that is so Bob."  Often times we are so unique that one little thing can remind us of one particular person.  For me every time I hear the most corny joke I think of my sweet sister.  She loves corny jokes and half of the time I laugh because I am thinking how funny my sister would find it.  We all have these  little corks and differences that makes us exactly who we are.

    So why then often times do we view these corks and differences as a negative.  I see moms that beat themselves up because they aren't able to look like another mom, or because they don't understand how to craft all the decor for a kids birthday party, maybe they don't eat as healthy as everyone else, they can't keep their house clean, they don't read 10 books a day to their child, or maybe they don't seem to have patience like Suzie down the road  and so on and so forth. There are a million different things in life that we can measure ourselves by so why so often our we measuring ourselves by things that make us feel less than we are?  If we don't have a skill yes we can work on it if it is something we want to gain, but we don't need to be any less of a person just because in one way or another we aren't like someone else.  Or sometimes we see someone who is great at something and we have to think badly of them because we don't fit in the same box as them.  We think one person has to be better; us or them, so we just say that we are to make ourselves feel better.  Example: there is a super fit mom and the words out of another moms mouth is "yes she looks great but she sacrifices that time with her kids and that is not something I am willing to do."  Why?  Why, do we do this to ourselves and others?   Or here is a good example:  A mom really loves Christmas, the day after thanksgiving the pumpkins are gone and the whole house looks like the north pole.  Christmas carols are playing everyday,  they open a present every night the week of christmas,  I mean this lady really does the whole shebang.  Another mom has to say "Wow, can you believe how much money she waste every year?  And it's not even what Christmas is about.  Those kids are so spoiled."              We make these judgmental remarks as if because of the way a mom is different than us is makes us better than them,  they aren't doing why they are suppose to do,  they aren't a good mom.  When I very strongly believe that it is the exact opposite.  We should all be who we are and be okay with letting our individual strengths shine though and be loving and accepting to others strengths.  I have many friends who are very different than me, some are great at sewing, cooking, being adventuerous, scheduling, singing, and tons of other stuff that if someone looked at the talent I have in those areas would probably just laugh.  I see these qualities in them and admire them.  I think how amazing my friends are.  We don't need to be the same as someone else.
   
     A great example of opposites is me and my husband although we have things in common we are VERY different.  We both have strong personalities but very opposite in many ways.  My husband is a realist, a clean freak, loves good food, a morning person, lots of little random things in life are completely different from me.  I am a dreamer, I clean before he comes home, my idea of cooking is a frozen pizza, hot dogs, and mac and cheese, in the morning I would do anything for 15 more minutes of sleep.  Yes these are just simple little things but there are also very big way we are different and yet we love everything about the other person.  We are able to see something through a different light, get an opposite point of view, and most of the time it makes us better people.  This is how we should look at other people to.  Yes, maybe you aren't willing to be away from your kids for an hour to go to the gym but another person may need that hour to keep herself sane and that is totally okay.  Maybe when it comes to the holidays the last thing you want to do is go up in the attic and haul down all of the boxes, there is no need to if thats not you.  We don't have to be like someone else, but remember they don't need to be like us either.

I Am Who I Am and I love who I am.  Be you!  You always here people say "if we were all the same life would be boring"  maybe or maybe we would all be adventurous so it would be fun all the time.  The point is though we were sent to this earth to learn and grow, if we were all the same we couldn't grow.  We wouldn't have those different views of life to help us become better people.  Give the people around you the strength to be themselves, accept their strengths and weakness.  Just because our strengths and weaknesses are different doesn't mean we as people are all that different.

If these was one message that I could leave with people before I die it would be that you are all amazing a beautiful people.  I know that God loves you and wants you to be happy with who you are.  God sees us as individuals and loves each of our individual strengths and expects us to help one another though this life, not to hold someone or ourselves back.  You are so powerful and can accomplish anything in life.  Don't let your mind stop you from seeing your full potential. 


Here is my favorite quote of all times:
" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."   -Marianne Williamson



Go and write down who you are and love yourself just the way you are!

I Am Who I Am
I'm a daughter of my King, Heavenly Father
I love shopping especially for other people
I am an amazing mother and love my son beyond belief
I am patient
I am a little crazy and cry like a baby during movies
I love every single holiday

I am obsessed with my husband, and would rather be with him than anyone else
I love wearing high heels
I love sports
I have high standards for myself
I love socializing with other
I eat way to much chocolate
I could watch chick flicks everyday for the rest of my life
I pride myself on being honest
I put family before everything else
I love planning any type of party
I love fluffy animals (not cats, they scare me)
I find happiness in helping others
I smile and laugh constantly
I enjoy exercising

These are just a few things that make me who I am and I am so grateful for the life I have lived to help shape me into the person I am and will continue to grow to become.  Life is beautiful and the people in it are even more beautiful.  Don't let the hardships of life stop you from seeing that.  

EASY and FUN!!

I just did this activity with my son the other day and it was so fun.

What we did:

1.We took a roll of packing paper and cut a piece off.  (if you have multiple kids make it large enough that they all have room)

2. Then we just started drawing the town with a black marker.

3.  Color the town.

4.  Get your hot wheels out and drive around town.

My son is only two so he mainly just scribbled but this would be a super awesome activity for kids just a little older.  I colored in random things in the town so my son could get the idea, if he was older he could choose what he wanted to color in.  He had lots of fun driving his cars around, they didn't always stay on the road but that is perfectly okay.  If your kids are old enough let them do it all by themselves.  They can be as creative as they want and it takes a good amount of time so it will keep them busy.  If your kids are still younger just roll a piece of packing paper out and let them scribble all over it.  Or draw different colored circles on it and have them jump on the circles.  There are a million different things you can do with a roll of packing paper.  Let your imagination run wild.

Where did all the Happiness go?

        I normally am a very happy and positive person.  My husband always jokes about me living in the clouds and believing in fairies and unicorns.  Which is a pretty accurate description of myself.   I can remember growing up and people asking me why I smiled all the time.  I  have even gotten in trouble for smiling so much.  Once someone said to me, "this is a serious matter; do you think this is funny?"   I really didn't think it was funny but I smile and laugh all the time.  Even when I shouldn't; like when my husband gets hurt, or I am trying to be really serious and angry.  It just doesn't work well for me.  My body literally expresses other emotions through smiling and laughing.  It probably does this because I feel a need to be happy all of the time and I hate anger and contention.  So even when I do feel it my body tries to replace it with happiness.  Me laughing when people get hurt is just some sick twisted thing that I do, I am working on it.

      Sometimes it is hard to be that happy go lucky person all of the time though.  I feel that since I am so blessed I have an obligation to share my happiness with other people.  I'm sure some people find it very annoying, and I am sorry, but not that sorry.  Life has a way though of bringing us to our knees and yes even I can lose my smile.  Some would probably be surprised to know somedays I could cry all day or that there are days I don't want to get out of bed.  The reason most people wouldn't know this is because instead of crying I laugh, and instead of staying in bed I go shopping (I think my husband would rather me stay in bed).  I remember being a teenage and thinking life was hard, and it was hard.  I remember being engaged and thinking life was unfair, and it was unfair.  I remember being married and thinking life is ridiculous, and it was ridiculous.  I remember being a new mom and thinking life was overwhelming, and it was overwhelming.  The fact is we will all have moments in life that will be: hard, unfair, ridiculous, and very overwhelming.  That doesn't give us the right go around being a grump all day everyday though.

How do we get though all the negative and craziness to find happiness again?

Be grateful.  I would usually say that I am a very grateful person.  I really do feel very blessed in my life.  I recently was reminded of a scripture that I have been pondering for a while now.

"1Thessalonians 5:18
In Everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. " 

    I have went over and over this scripture.  As grateful as I am,  I am still working on being grateful for Everything.  It is hard to be grateful for trials.  I know looking back at hardships I have gone though that I have learned so much and gained a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus christ because of the them.  When it is in the moment though, it is much harder to say: "Thanks for the chaos God."  This is exactly what I am trying to do though.  "Thank you Heavenly Father for this trial,  thank you for the strength I have to bear it.  Thank you God for the lessons I am learning.  Thank you for this opportunity to show you my faith.  Thank you dear Lord for my husband to  help carry my burdens." I am grateful for the bad times as well as the good.  Without the bad there is no good and without the good there is no bad.  We have to have both to know the difference between the two.
     I am also go over daily what I am blessed with.   I have an amazing husband,  that has a job.  I have a son that will hug and kiss me all day everyday.  We have two vehicles and a roof over our heads.  We have families that love us.  I am able to stay home with my son, which has always been my dream.  There is always food in the fridge...well as long as I go to the store.  All in all though, I am blessed with much more than most people in this world.   Looking at my blessing and showing gratefulness for them takes my mind off the confusion and pain that I feel at times.
 

Be positive.  How can I expect to feel any better when all I am doing is going over and over all of the things going wrong?  No matter how many times I go over things it isn't going to change the situation.  I am a planner so when my plan gets thrown off ,or totally blown to bits, I have a very hard time accepting things.  Here is the thing though, there is nothing I can do about it now: so why dwell on it with a negative attitude?  If I change my attitude to one that accepts life as it comes, and not as I expected it to come, it goes much smoother.  Then when I go a little bit further and actually have a positive outlook on what is laid before me and what life can be,  this is when the happiness juices really start flowing.  I have been able to have an amazing day just by being happy, going to the grocery store and being able to have a great conversation with and old man about his grandkids.  It gives me butterflies when someone I don't know tells me I have a great smile, or just says thanks for opening a door.  We don't do these things when we are negative and unhappy, and we don't see the joy from them.  When we change our attitudes we are changing our hearts to be open to positive things coming into our lives.  


Turn to the Lord.  This is sometimes the most obvious and yet the last thing we do.  There is a difference in praying to the Lord and turning to the Lord.  I can pray to God everyday,  but that doesn't mean I am turning my problems over to him.  Sometimes I am so set in my ways and sure that my plan is the most beneficial for me that I tell Heavenly Father exactly what to give me and when.  Then when it doesn't come I feel hurt and disappointed.  I was recently talking to my mom and she said maybe I should pray that: "the Lord will bless me how and when he sees fit for what I need." She said "the Lord knows what is best for you, you need to trust him."  This can be much harder than it sounds.  Honestly when my mom told me this my first thought was: I know what I need,  how can she tell me this when she can't even understand what I am going through?  Here is the kicker though,  after thinking about her words I know there is truth in them.  If we allow Heavenly Father to bless us in his own time and trust him to know what is best for us, we will never be hurt or disappointed.  I have had many ,what seemed like, unanswered prayers.  What I know looking back is that my prayers were answered, but God answered them in his own way and not in the small box I wanted him to put the answers in.  I am a work in progress and I am still learning that the Lord has a much better plan for me than my little planner mind could ever think of.  There is another side of this as well.  Even if we turn everything over to God it doesn't mean our problems will be solved the next day.  For the time that we are going through our trial lean upon the Lord's strength and understanding to get us though it.  We will feel pain and sadness it is inevitable, but when we trust in the power of the Lord and turn to him it can ease the pain and sadness.

Keep going.  Last is to keep on keeping on.  Don't give up.  There is a new day, or a new hour, or better yet a new minute every 60 seconds.  Why wait for tomorrow to get up and do better when you can give yourself 60 seconds to wallow in misery and then move on to being grateful, positive, and turning to the Lord.  Life is not going to stop so we can't either.


Life is a Beautiful gift that we are given.  Don't let the good times be shadowed by the bad.  I know that we can find true happiness even in hard times and even when we think all of the happiness is gone.  We do not always get to choose our circumstance but we are always given the choice to choose our attitude.  Chose an attitude of happiness.  Happiness is like wearing rose colored glasses, our life looks a little brighter and our problems don't look so dark and bleak.  So be the person that smiles, be the person that laughs,  you wont be disappointed. Life is filled with happiness, so go Find It!!

Cleaning Fun!

Summer time is such a fun time to do some outside activities, but just because we want to have fun doesn't mean our other chores go away.  So the other day we had fun while we cleaned!  Me and Jack (my almost two year old)  filled up a bucket with soapy water and dumped in his toys, then we took wash clothes and scrubbed them and set them out to dry in the sun.  He was able to play with all of his toys outside in the water and we were being productive by cleaning them :)   It is always funner to do it outside in the sunshine and water.  He was having so much fun he would have stayed out there all day and we got all of his toys clean and then some other stuff I needed to clean.  Bring out your barstool, highchairs, car seats,  whatever bulky items you need to clean.  Scrub them up with your wash rag and the sun will dry them quickly. Having fun while still getting things done.  

What are you really Choosing???

Everyone always says marriage is so hard, and believe me I know first hand that at times it is. But there is one thing that I have found makes marriage so so so much better. Choosing your spouse above everything else. You are probably thinking wow, that is obvious. And yes it is obvious, but how many of us are truly choosing our spouse above everyone and everything else? I absolutely love my husband and still find this difficult. Are we on our facebook instead of giving them attention when they get home? When we have a family problem do we choose our family over our spouses feelings? Are you continually trying to change those little things that annoy your spouse, or do you expect them to "get use to it?" I have broken this down to some key things that have helped me in my marriage and have made both me and Parker much happier.

  1. How are we spending our time together? I know that me and Parker use to both me laying in bed at night and instead of talking about how our day was or what we needed help with; we were both on our phones looking at facebook, checking instagram, or playing a game. Yes, we were "that" couple. It is so easy to zone out and just do our own thing. The time that we should have been drawing closer together was being wasted. Now we try to spend the time we have together actually being together. Not just physically in the same room but actually talking and interacting with one another. I feel so much closer to Parker, yes we are pretty boring; but I love having our time together. We joke around, I know everyone he works with when he says there names, and lots of other really boring stuff. And I absolutely love it.

  2. Whose side are you choosing? Recently there were a couple incidents and I found myself either going with what I thought was right or choosing my husbands side and agreeing with him. Yes of course sometimes we will disagree and I will need to stand my ground. But there are many times where we just need to say "you know what, your feelings are more important to me than mine right now". There should never be anything that comes between me and Parker, we should be one. This can be hard to accomplish, many times we can both be hard headed. But at the end of the day it is not about who is right it is about still continuing to be "one" even if that means one of us compromising a little to stay on the same page. Often times this happens when there are family disagreement, not between just me and Parker but our sibling. I can either choose to side with Parker or another member of the family. But at the end of the day, even if I think Parker is dead wrong, I will always side with Parker. I will let him know what my point of view is, but I will stand by him and he will stand by me.

  3. Who is going to change? I can remember our first year of marriage, it was fun and it was also stressful. We were getting use to living together and all the little habits we each had. Parker is a little bit of a clean freak (a really big clean freak). I honestly don't think we argued about anything except the house being clean. What I would call clean, Parker would call tidy or picked up. That first year was confusing. I would always say "well if you didn't like that about me why the heck did you marry me, I'm not a clean freak so just love me for who I am." But he could say the same thing, "how could I expect him to change? He is just that way." Right? So how the heck were we going to be happy if neither of us was changing? Then I read the book the 5 love languages. This changed our marriage. I found our that Parkers main love language was: ACTS OF SERVICE. Oh yay, lucky me. For Parker to feel loved I have to clean, cook, vacuum the car, mow the lawn, etc. My language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, so all Parker really has to do is tell me over and over again that I am beautiful, he loves me, anything nice pretty much. So Finally I understood why me and Parker were having such a hard time. We were trying to love each other through our own love language not the other persons. So I began cleaning Parkers way. and I even tried to stop doing those little annoying things that bugged him, like the toothpaste in the sink I would leave behind, not anymore. I vacuum, pretty much at least once a day (Parker likes to see vacuum lines), I make the bed everyday, I make him dinner (even if it is just a bowl of cereal), and much much more. And I see Parker making an effort to tell me he loves me, or maybe he just can't help himself because he knows how spoiled he is now. But I like to think we both spoil each other, and that helps us stay in love with one another. So stop expecting the other person to change and just do it yourself. Hopefully they catch on and will change those little things for you as well.

  4. Are you continually choosing honesty? I can honestly say that as long as me and Parker have been married I have never lied to Parker. Sometimes I have been scared to tell me something...like how much I actually ended up spending at the store. But I have never tried to cover it up. I don't ever want to have to feel that I can't tell my best friend something. I know some people who tell little lies all the time. What is the harm in a little white lie? It is just to make the other person happy, I don't want the to be stressed, etc. Yes, some little lies may not really do any harm, but the harm that is being done is the fact that for some reason you are telling yourself it is okay to keep the truth from your spouse. Although sometimes it is hard to come forward and tell you spouse what the truth is I know I much rather know what is actually going on in my life than to be living an illusion. I find comfort in the fact that me and Parker can access each others accounts and not be scared that we are going to find something.

  5. Last are you choosing forgiveness? We will always need forgiveness in our relationship. This doesn't mean that we will have huge problems in our marriage but if we don't forgive each other for the simple things they can lead to much bigger problems. I know people who are still trying to forgive their spouse for something that happened years ago. When we forgive it doesn't mean we forget, but it does mean we aren't bringing it up at every argument we ever have. I'm not holding anything over Parker's head that he has done and he doesn't hold anything over my head that I have done. So just let it go, it makes my marriage seem unbearable if I am dwelling on the negative all day, but when I choose to look at all the blessings and love in my marriage I can see that that 2% of craziness is not going to be the cause of my dismay. Choose your spouse by forgiving them and letting go instead of building resentment and anger. I know I can still do better in everything that I am putting in my marriage. I don't want to look back and say I had a "good marriage". I see people measuring marriages by if you are still together, how long did you last? But I want to measure my marriage by how much love was in it, how well I know my husband, how hard Parker makes me laugh, the love we have for our children, the memories we make, was I excited when Parker was coming home, were we always striving to make the other one happy?


 I am expecting my marriage and life to be difficult at times, but I am also expecting that if I put the time and effort into my marriage we will be able to be put through trials together and grow closer together when we turn to one another. Something that I personally strive for is to do all of this with my Heavenly Father beside me and guiding me. I know that God want me to be happy in my marriage that the the purpose of marriage is for joy and love.

Puzzle Frame

Very Easy Kids Craft that is SUPER CHEAP!! And this can not be messed up so anything age could do it. We did this as a Valentine's Day gift for my hubby, but this could really be any gift for any family member or friend. Or you could just do it for your own little family. I know many of us already have lots of crafting stuff in our house so you may not even have to buy anything. What you need: Frame Picture Puzzle Glue...I used mod podge because it dries clear and it was easy to dip the pieces and let my young son still be able to help. Paint (optional) Paint brush (optional) Letters (optional)...if you have beautiful handwriting you could always use a permanent marker ;) What I did: First I Painted the Frame, I wanted it to Pop a little more than the traditional color. I chose red since it was for Valentine's Day. I also painted a few of the puzzle pieces red. Second, after the frame dried I dipped the puzzle pieces in mod podge and glued them to the frame. After all the pieces were glued on I took the paint brush (cleaned of course) and painted on a layer or glue on top. Third, I took the letters and wrote "We LOVE You to PIECES!!" I put a piece of paper underneath of it to make sure it stayed in a straight line. Last I put the picture in and TaDa, a cute gift for any occasion and a fun little project for the kids.